broken souls and dark pasts
by gabbyromig
Summary: Lena hates when stef clams up and won't tell her what's wrong. It's rare but unfortunately happens due to a dark secret that stef keeps well hidden. Stef is to afraid to talk about what happened, even with Lena. Can Lena get stef to open up or will stef live in constant fear. Please read and review I'm new here.
1. Chapter 1

Lena

The dreaded week has come. That week were Stef is anything but herself. She clams up and only talks if it's absolutely necessary to. If I try to ask her what's wrong, which I do every year, she will act as though she didn't hear me then make an excuse to leave. Which any one who knows Stef knows is seriously out of character for her.

I want more than anything to make her tell me but the begging look of please don't make me talk about it breaks my heart enough to make me just let her stay in her bubble. Even if that bubble is causing more harm than good, which it is because basic psychology states that you need to talk about it to stay mentally and emotionally healthy, I just can't cause her that pain.

Just like every other year and those random bad nights she woke up from her nightmare with terror written across her face. I took her into my arms hoping to give her some comfort and let her cry through the pain.

Stef

I woke up and tried to get a sence of reality. I'm at home in my bed and everything is ok. Or at least that's what I like to tell myself. I tried to control my breathing and get control of my tears but the more I tried the harder it got. The sound of my borderline panic attack woke up my very concerned wife.

"Honey what's wrong?" She asked as I practically flung myself into her arms. She held me and tried to calm me down. It felt like a decade has passed before I calmed downed and got control over my breathing. Once it was obvious to Lena that I was feeling a bit better she held me at arms distance so she can look at me while she speaks.

"You feeling a bit better now, sweety." I nodded not wanting to talk.

"Good. Can you please talk to me about it" she begged. Lena has no idea what my nightmare is about and I won't tell her. No one can know. Even the one person I want to tell the most.

**I'm new to writing fanfiction and would love it if you guys would give it a chance and tell me how I'm doing. Thanks so much.**


	2. Chapter 2

Stef-6 years old

It's just a dream, I told myself. I'll wake up and mommy and daddy will be there and ill be safe. I told myself that but the cold wall served as a constant reminder that this is real. When I left the house for school in the morning it was warm out now im freezing in my short-sleeved shirt and shorts. I blew on my hands like mommy does when they are cold trying to warm them up. When is mommy and daddy going to take me home? I don't like this place. A tear slid down my face. I miss my mommy and daddy. I just want to go home and get in the big bed with them. I heard the door open I hugged myself to try to make me feel better. Mommy always hugs me when I'm scared and then it's all better . Why isn't it working now? An older boy walked in and I moved to the far corner to try and get away from him but I can only move so far.

"It's ok, I'm not going to hurt you." I didn't move but peeked up from my knees.

Finding my voice, even if it was shaky, I said,"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers"

"Yes but I'm not a stranger. I'm your brother, Brandon."

"Stef, honey!" Lenas voice ripped me back from my flashback.I forced a smile that im sure isn't very convincing but it's the best I can do.

"I'm not that hungry, it's been a long day I think I'm going to go take a nap" I said excusing myself from the table without even eating a bite of my supper.

"Are you ok?" She asked. I hate that question. I'm not ok I just need to be alone.

I nodded and headed upstairs hoping Lena won't follow me. Hope and logic are two very different things. I would love for Lena to give me some alone time, I know she won't. Knowing this I jumped in the shower real quick to prevent a confrontation.

Lena

She didn't even touch her food she just sat there staring off into space. It wasn't even like she was lost in a daydream everyone could tell by the fear on her face that it wasn't pleasant what she was envisioning.

"Is Stef ok?" Jude asked as soon as she ran up the stairs in a desperate attempt to get away from us.

"Shes had a rough day and I'm sure shes tired" I stated distractedly. My main worry right now is Stef and I need to make sure shes ok. Yeah I'm sure shes tired she didn't sleep well last night. I hate those nightmares she was practically having an anxiety attack by the time I woke up.

"I'm going to make sure shes ok I'll be down in a couple of minutes" I said to the kids and ran up after my distressed wife.


	3. Chapter 3

Lena

I wasn't surprised to not see Stef in our room, I expected it. Stef has this weird belief that if she is upset and jumps in the shower I won't come in to make sure she's ok. That method might have worked with Mike but it won't work with me and I don't know why she hasn't figured that out yet. Every year she pulls this stunt and every year it doesn't work.

I walked into the bathroom and heard the sound of the shower running. I sat on the toilet giving her a chance to talk first. She never does.

"I hate when you do that, you know. I know you want to talk about it, so why don't you?" I said then mouthed her next words,'I can't' She said the words I expected at the same time I mouthed them.

"Yes you can. That's not an excuse" I said, it sounded like I was talking to a student after they make a lame excuse for not doing their homework.

"It's not an excuse! I really can't" she said it's so obvious that she's crying. The sound of running water might cover up the sound of her tears but I can still hear her voice.

"Why?" I asked. I still haven't gotten a reason that she can't tell me. The only reason I can come up with is that she can tell me but she's afraid to. I hate thinking of her being scared. She always acts so tough, I think it comes with the cop uniform, and most people will fall for it. I know better though. I know she's not nearly as unbreakable as she tries to convince people. The tough side of her is a mask but anyone who really knows her won't be fooled by it.

"I just..." Her voice was so low I was amazed I heard it over the sound of the water.

"Can't?" I mockingly finished her sentence. "You really need to erase that word from your vocabulary."

"It's just... You don't understand..." She struggled to find her words.

"Then explain... How am I suppose to understand if you don't talk to me?" I said raising my voice slightly.

"You're not suppose to understand!" She shouted sounding pretty frustrated.

"Can you please just leave me alone?" She screamed shocking me. Stef isn't one to say stuff like that or at least not to me. I sat there momentarily unsure what to do untill anger took over. I have done everything to try to help her for over ten years now and have gotten nothing for it. No answers, no thank yous,I haven't even been expecting them this entire time. I was there for her though because I knew even if she didn't admit it she needed me. But if she really doesn't want my help then, fine, I won't give it.

I got up and sighed,"fine you win. If you really want me to leave you alone then I will" i said and left slamming the door firmly behind me. Before slamming the door I heard Stef call after me. We both know she's going to need to do more than that before I can forgive her.

STEF

'I'm such a bitch!' I thought. 'How could I do that to Lena? She deserves so much better then me. How can she love me? I'm to messed up to be loved. Doesn't she see that? I don't deserve her love. She's so much better than I am'

I wanted to call out after her ask for her help but I can't. I don't deserve to be helped. No one can help me.

**I know my chapters are short, I'm sorry, I'm working on it. I'm still kind getting a feel for this story and I have an idea but I'm not sure if I want to do it yet. This story was inspired by TheFostersFangirl's Here for you, by the way I love that story well done, and I'm debating doing kind of like a parody of that story. I won't though if you dont want me to, so comment and let me know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

Stef

I picked up the razor my hands shaking slightly. 'I can't do this, I'm not a teenager anymore' logic tried to convince me but my inability to breathe was winning that argument.

"They don't love you. They are not coming to get you. They hate you" her harsh voice replayed in my head as the razor made contact with my wrist. As the razor cut my skin I felt a release I haven't felt in a long time. The release was short-lived though as the reality came back to me.

I'm not a teenager anymore. I have a wife and kids I need to think about. What if Lena figures out?

'Then she will see I'm a freak. That I'm messed up, unloveable. Then she will leave like I thought she would have done years ago. She will figure out that she's in love with an illusion of me. She can't be in love with the messed up freak I am.' I dropped the razor and turned off the shower. I started to take care of the cut hoping that no one comes to find me. No one will I told Lena I wanted to be left alone and now I got what I wanted.

I looked down at the cut. What did I start? How could be so weak? I can't logically tell myself that I will only do it once. I've told myself that so many times that I proofed the sentence will always be a lie. I will only do it once becomes I will only do it twice and so one untill my skin is marked more times than can be counted.

When I got my cut cleaned up I went and laid in bed knowing I'm not allowed nor wanted downstairs. I now have a long sleeve shirt on, hoping the over used method is enough to keep my cut hidden. I don't know how much time has passed but eventually Lena came back upstairs. I subconsciously slid my arm under the blanket as she walked in.

"Everyone went to bed" she stated simply getting changed into her pajamas.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." I started but she cut me off.

"If you don't want my help, I won't give it.I have gave you plenty of chances yo open up and you haven't so fine take it to your grave." I knew this was going to happen eventually. She now sees me as the messed up me and she doesn't care anymore. I tried to hold back tears but I'm fighting a losing battle. How can I still have tears to cry?

Get a hold of yourself Stef you knew she was going to stop loving you eventually.

**This is going to get a bit depressing, you have been warned. My other story Scar is not depressing so if you want to read a non depressing Stef/Lena story check that out. Thank you for the reviews.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I have a serious problem, I'm getting addicted to this story. Should of saw it coming since I'm so obsessed with Stef and Lena and The Fosters. Where is January? It's not coming soon enough for me.**

Lena

I know I shouldn't have said it, I'm just frustrated is all. I know Stef wants me to know, she's just happened terrifies her. She really does believe she can't tell me.

"Stef, I didn't mean that" I said to the crying blonde. I got in bed and wrapped my arms around her. She didn't try to move from my arms if anything she looked shocked that I'm hugging her.

"I'm sorry I know your scared" it's like I'm talking to a brick wall.

"I know you really do believe you can't tell me but you can. No one is going to hurt you or harm you in any way. And I won't judge, I'm here for you no matter what" I said trying to be as encouraging as possible.

"You're not alone. I know you think you have to do this alone but you don't" She remained stubbornly silent.

"I can help you" this finally got her to talk.

"No you can't, no one can" I hate how depressed she sounds.

"I can if you tell me what's going on"

Stef dismissed the conversation with her usual,"I'm tired, goodnight" I'm tired of playing her games by her rules. I'm making the rules from now on. I turned her so she is lay in laying on her back and straddled her so she's forced to talk to me.

"No Stef. I'm sorry, I know you're scared but this is for your own good. I will not let you sleep untill you tell me everything." I insisted despite the begging looks that she is giving me.

"I can't" I hate that word.

"Yes you can. No one is going to hurt you if you tell me" I tried yet again to convince her.

I can't tell if she mouthed the words you would leave me or just said it so quietly that I couldn't hear it. My heart broke as the real meaning of her words sank in. She honestly believes if she tells me the truth and asks for my help that I would stop loving her. That's the complete opposite of the truth.

"Honey, I love you no matter what. I know who you are and I love you for it. Whatever..." I sighed trying to think of how to word this.

"You are not just the bad things that happen to you. You are more. I love you and that will never change." Stef still looks uncertain like my words are too good to be true. I got off of her briefly.

"Come here" I said open my arms for her. She didn't cry but let me hold her for a while. I then held her at arms length and offered her a reassuring smile. I looked down briefly trying to think of what to say or do next but that worry was quickly replaced by a more pressing matter. What happened to her wrist? Did she do this to herself? Has she done this before? I grabbed her hand and pushed up her sleeve, yeah that looks deliberate.

"What happened?" I asked a startled Stef.

"I'm fine." She said pushing down her sleeve as if that would erase the image.

"No you're not fine, Stephanie." I said as tears formed in my eyes. This is worse than I thought shes hurting herself on purpose. Why would she do that?

Stef

"No Please don't cry. I'm sorry." I begged. "I won't do it again, I promise." I just lied to her. This reminds me of when my mom figured out. She reacted the same way. I told her, just like I told Lena, that I wouldn't do it again. The only difference is I was naive then, I believed my lie. I didn't know the war I have started untill it was way out of my control. I tried, I really tried, not to do it again but it's easier said then done.

"You need help Stef." This is like the worst case of deja voo ever. The difference though between my mom and Lena is Lena can just leave.

'Now Lena knows just how messed up I am. This will scare her away.' I thought.

"You need to tell me what happened, ok? You need to tell me, this is out if control. I'm so worried about you" she said her loyalty surprising me.

' Why does she care? People are not supposed to care about messed freaks like me'

"Why? I'm just some messed up freak! Why do you still care?" I said getting off the bed and pacing to try to calm me down. I'm not helping matters. Lena got up and intercepted my path.

"You are not some messed up freak. So please don't think you are." Lena said. "Of course I care because I love you no matter what. So your going to have to learn to live with it because you're stuck with me.


	6. Chapter 6

Lena

I woke up suddenly in the night to find the other side of the bed empty. Instantly jumping to the worst possible scenario I got out of bed to make sure she's ok. When I didn't find her in the bathroom or anywhere else upstairs I really got concerned. I ran down the stairs hoping she didn't break her promise already. I looked in the bathroom, kitchen,living room, she is no where in sight. She wouldn't have left, right.

"I'm sorry" I heard her say. It sounded like it was coming from the porch and she definitely wasnt talking to me. I opened the door slightly and being distracted she didn't notice. I know I shouldn't be eavesdropping but it's not like she is going to tell me anything.

"It's just hard to deal with the memories. It seems every time I close my eyes I'm back there..." She paused seemingly deep in thought.

"I keep hearing her words. I know you always told me not to listen but... It's all I can hear. Then there's the dreams, they keep coming. It's like everytime I close my eyes I'm there again. I keep... I can't get the image of you dying out of my head."

What the hell happened to Stef? Who is she talking to?

I must have made a noise because she turned to me fear and exhaustion on her face. We both froze briefly then she tried to run away from me. I ran in after her grabbing her only a few steps into the house. At first she tried to fight me but she gave in quickly and sank to the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest then buried her head in them.

"You ok?" I asked rubbing gentle circles on her back. She looked up at me her dark circles around her eyes announced multiple missed nights of sleep.

"I'm so tired" she admitted.

" I know I have said this so many times but it's true. You need to talk about it, it will make you feel better I promise"

"I want to but I'm scared" she finally admitted. She has reached the point where I don't even know who she is anymore.

"You don't have to be, you're safe. You can tell me... Who were you talking to, sweety."

To my surprise she answered with something other than,'I can't'

"My brother, Brandon" I didn't even know Stef had a brother.

"He died protecting me from them. If I didn't..." She continued."If it wasn't for me he would still be alive."

**Cue the dramatic music! So has anyone figured it out yet? I'm interested in what you guys think is going to happen. I think it would be funny. So please review, it's always appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 7

Stef

"You will love it" Brandon told me putting things in my backpack.

"You will make a bunch of friends and learn a lot of new things." He said yet again.

"You just have to make me a promise" Brandon being thirteen years old will be in the middle school and I'm in first grade. So I will have to be away from him for the entire day, for the first time since I met him.

"Promise me you won't say anything about _our situation_ because _Mother and Father _will get mad and I don't want them hurting you again." Our situation is his way of talking about the fact that Mother and Father took us.

"I promised" he smiled, it was a fake one.

"Now what do you say when someone gives you something?" He asked putting some books in his backpack.

"Thank you"

"Good now what do you say when asking for something?" I know this already it's just hard to talk when he's not there.

"Please... Do we have to go to school?" He put both our backpacks on his shoulder and took my hand.

"Yes. You will love it" he said as we walked to the bus stop.

That day I promised him I wouldn't speak of it and I never broke that promise. Sure my mom and dad know the basics but they heard that from the police, child protective services, and medical records but even though they tried I never spoken of it. They don't know the entire story, only me, Brandon and they know the whole story.

I was young when I made that promise to him but I knew what would have happened if I broke it. I was scared, I'm still scared, to break it. _They can always come back to hurt me._ I know that it's childish to believe that after all they are in jail serving life. I just can't shake the feeling of dread and fear that something bad will happen if I tell someone.

But Lena makes me want to tell her everything, sure it terrifies me, but she makes me feel safe. Only few people have ever made me feel safe. I tried to swallow that fear that was a lump in my throat trusting that what Lena said is true.

"I was kidnapped"

**So who saw that coming? Don't worry there is still more mystery for you to solve.**


	8. Chapter 8

Lena

Kidnapped. The word has put fear in my heart for the past ten years. It's terrified me more than anything to think that one of my babies could be taken from me. I never once thought of the word when it came to Stef. It never crossed my mind that she could have been through that. I can't imagine how terrifying it would be, especially as a child, to be taken from your parents and taken to some scary unknown place. Stef must have been scared and parents had to have been worried sick.

Never in my life have I been able to make sence of why someone could do that. How could someone hurt an innocent child? On top of that I don't know the full story, I have no clue what they did to her. Was she abused? Did they starve her? Where they pedophiles?

The more I thought about it the tighter I held her. I have no idea the horror she has witnessed. Even though a small selfish part of me doesn't want to hear the horrible stories I need her to tell me. She needs to get it off her chest it's not healthy for her to keep this to herself all these years.

"Hey it's ok,love. You can tell me what happened." I shouldn't have been surprised by her confessing everything so fast that I could only pick up certain parts after all she has kept this in for too long. It's like she has to get it all out before it kills her.

"I know I shouldn't have... the next thing I knew I was in some cold unfirmilar room... Brandon came in he told me he was my brother..._mother_ was the scariest she said horrible things... _father _ used to come in my room late..." She held me tight and I can feel her shaking of fear. I cried so hard that it was hard to breathe.

She screamed the next sentence as anger temporarily rose above the fear," he would rape me, he would fucking rape me"

I need to get a hold of myself, I need to be strong for my wife now. Then she stopped, just stopped herself in the middle of her rant struggling to catch her breath. She quickly tried to get out of my arms but my hold on her didn't loosen. She wants to hurt herself again.

"No baby you don't have to do that" I said hoping to help her but I know it's not going to be that easy.

"Please... I can't breathe" she said in between gasped breathes. Stef fought me and since she is stronger than I am she won. She ran to the bathroom and slammed the door locking it behind her.

"Stef please don't, you don't have to do this ok. I love you, focus on that" I begged knowing my words are not enough. Hearing this Jesus came downstairs with a worried look on his face.

"What is going on?" I looked at him tears streaming down my face.

"You need to break the door down" he gave a very confused look but before he can question further I yelled at him telling him just to do it. Sensing the urgency of the situation he did as told. The rest of the kids were downstairs by now but they weren't my worry.

Stef looking very ashamed and embarrassed looked down at her slit wrist.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I tried" I went in to take care of her cut.

"She's ok. We will talk in a bit just let me take care of her first" I said to the worried kids. As if the situation wasn't bad enough the kids had to witness some of it. What are we suppose to say to them?

**Please review I like to know what you think about each chapter. Feedback is the main reason I'm writing fanfiction.**


	9. Chapter 9

Stef

Well as if the situation wasn't bad enough the kids had to see it. Now I'm going to have to explain it to them too. It's not like it's worth it to lie, a lie that would explain why I just did that would be as bad so I might as well tell the truth. The situation is so out of control. I looked at the cut feeling ashamed. I just broke my promise in front of my wife and kids. How could I do that?

Lena took care of my cut as I attempted to shield my face, with my hair, from the worried glares of my children. I didn't want them to know how messed up I am. I just want to be invisible, to hide away from the looks for the rest of my life.

When my cut was clean we all went into the living room to talk about it. I just wanted to go upstairs and lay looking off into space untill I got to tired to keep my eyes open any longer. Lena wouldn't let me though because 'I need to be included in this conversation' translation: ' I need to keep you where I know for a fact you are not hurting yourself'.

"Well it's not a secret that this week always effects your mom. I didn't know anything more than you guys do untill tonight." She starts to say before looking over to me for permission to tell them what I told her. It's not like we can keep it a secret after that. I nodded my ok and she continued.

"When she was a kid she was kidnapped" Lena said squeezing my hand. They all looked surprised, confused but they were more worried than anything.

"Oh my god" Marianna said. As everyone else just remained quietly concerned.

"Now, obviously, this is a very traumatic event so we all need to be patient with her... It's almost 3:30 in the morning and we are all tired so let's try to get some sleep"

Sleeping is easier said then done. I spent about an hour tossing and turning which Lena didn't appreciate. I drifted into a light sleep twice only to have the start of a nightmare from the past wake me. When I finally drifted into a heavier sleep memories taunted me.

I stood outside the bakery shop thinking through a plan.

'I'm going to stand out if I go in alone, I need an adult. I can follow closely behind an adult and then steal money from them. Then I have to buy the cupcake, that's the next challenge. Being only nine, it would be suspicious for me to be paying for something on my own.' I reasoned.

'How will this even work? Maybe it would be safer to just steal the cupcake. Yes I'm less likely to be caught that way.' I thought as I found an adult couple I can follow.

'I will follow them and people will think I'm their kid. I will steal the cup cake, slip it into my backpack then follow the couple out of the store.' I said giving myself a pep talk.

"Hey that kid is stealing" the words froze me in panic. _Mother and Father_ will kill me, literally.

"I-I'm sorry" All I wanted was to be able to give Brandon something on his sixteenth birthday. If I had money I would pay for it. The manager called my _parents _and the entire time I waited for them all I could thing was I'm so dead.

"I'm so sorry she has never done anything like this before trust me I will make sure she _understands the consequences of her actions _and she won't do it again, I promise." Mother said to the manager as she grabbed my hand tightly and pulled me out of the store.

I didn't flinch as she hit me, I can't show her weakness or she will hurt me more. I tried desperately not to hear her words but it's all I can hear.

"You stupid little girl, this is why your mommy and daddy told me to take you. They didn't want you anymore because you're a worthless little brat." Her words can't be true, mommy and daddy love me.

"You're lying!" I shouted tears streaming down my face. What am I doing if they weren't going to kill me before they definitely will now.

"If I'm lying why haven't they came to get you yet? You pathetic little brat I will give you something to cry about" She screamed this as Brandon ran inside.

"What is going on?" He yelled standing in front of me to protect me.

"Go away Brandon this doesn't concern you" she said grabbing a knife.

"Stephanie!" Lena voice said pulling me out of the nightmare. I loosened my death grip that I had on her shirt.

"Nightmare?" She asked rubbing comforting circles on my back. I nodded not wanting to talk.

"It's all over now, love. Can you try to go back to sleep you barely slept" she said. No I can't go back to sleep. I can't go back there.

"No, I can't. I'm going to get the nightmare again and I can't go back there" I sound like I belong in the mental hospital.

"Honey you need to sleep" I shook my head.

"Please don't make me go back there!"

**_So what do you think? Spent a little more time writing it and it's a little longer than usual. I think I'm going to have Sharon make an appearance next chapter it's about time she comes into this story. Please review._**


	10. Chapter 10

Lena

I counted the rings hoping I didn't catch Sharon at a bad time. On the third ring she picked up much to my relieve since I don't know who else to talk to.

"Hello? What is my beautiful daughter-in-law calling me for?" She asked obviously in a cheery mood.

"Hey Sharon. I need to talk to you about Stef" I said taking a sip of my second much needed cup of coffee today.

"Is she ok?" She asked worry replacing her cheery tone.

"I'm not entirely sure. It's that time of year again" This time of year isn't something we talk about but if it were to be mentioned everyone would know what we were talking about. Besides Sharon would have to know since Stef was kidnapped.

"Oh that's right. I forgot this year. How is she?" I could hear the sadness in her voice that made it sound like part of her is thinking back to that day.

"This year is worse than any other year, unfortunately. She started to..." Has Stef cut before? Did Sharon know about it or will I be telling her new terrible news?

"Oh god please tell me she didn't start cutting again" Sharon said answering my silent question.

I sighed,"Unfortunately she did. How old was she when she started?"

"15, she didn't quit untill she was 22." She informed me.

"I don't understand. Why would she do that to herself?" I hope Sharon can explain things that Stef can't.

"First of all, it's an addiction. It took her years to quit. It's very easy for her to relapse,sadly she did. Now she's going to have to quit again." Her words scare me. An addiction? Years to quit, isn't there any way I can get her help.

"Isn't there someway I can help her like get her counciling?" Oh yeah I'm sure she will be thrilled at the idea of therapy.

"I had her in therapy when she was a teen trust me she wasn't happy about it. We had to drag her there and even then she didn't talk to her therapist. Her father once dragged her to see a minister but as you can guess that only made matters worse. Getting her therapy might work now though." I laughed humorlessly at the thought of therapy working now.

"Are we talking about the same Stephanie Foster" she told me it was worth a try and she had a point.

"I don't know the entire story could you..."

"Neither do I. I know there is a lot that she isn't telling me but I do know the basics." I can hear the pain in her words as she relieved the day. I can't image...

"Stephanie was six when we went to a local carnival, it was opening night so it was crowded. Stef wanted to play a game, she wanted to win this stuffed monkey but we had to leave for a dentist appointment. When I told her no, Well you know your wife she's always been that stubborn, she threw a hissy fit.I let go of her hand briefly to yell at her and she ran." I can hear her breaths quicken as she started to cry.

"If only I wasn't in such a hurry and let her play that game" Sharon said blaming herself.

"Hey this isn't your fault. You couldn't have known..."

"Apparently no one notices when a little girl is being taken by strangers... this couple also kidnapped a little boy named Brandon a couple years before. Brandon was eleven at the time of being kidnapped. When Stephanie was nine and Brandon was sixteen when she stabbed him." I'm going to assume she is the kidnapper.

"Unfortunately Brandon passed away. She didn't tell me this but it's pretty obvious that Stef worships him, I mean she named her son after him..."

"She said Brandon died protecting her" I said recalling that awful conversation.

"I figured he did. Stef used to have nightmares when she first got home again where she would wake up screaming his name. It almost seems that she looked up to him as a father figure. All I know is Brandon took care of her like a little sister or even a daughter. Brandon died a hero and I will always be thankful for his bravery." I could help but compare the situation to Callie and Jude. I wonder If Stef saw the similarities too.

"Anyways after Brandon died child protective services came in and put her in foster care briefly before they figured out who she was and brought her back to us"

Neither of us said anything for a while as we both were lost in our thoughts.

"Good luck getting her to go to therapy. Call me if you need me, bye." How am I suppose to get her to go to therapy? How am I suppose to get her to sleep? How am I suppose to get her to stop cutting? How am I suppose to get stubborn Stef to do anything she doesn't want to?


	11. Chapter 11

Lena

"Therapy? she said down the idea immediately with an irritable glare.

"It didn't work the first time" she hasn't slept a good night in three days and she's getting crabby.

"Don't dismiss it based off of therapy you went to as a teenager, it might work now" she said not wanting to hear it. She isn't sleeping, or eating properly, she's hurting herself and she's borderline insane with dealing with her haunting past. How can she possibly think she's ok? Doesn't she realize she needs help?

"Just think about it. You're an adult, you can make your own choices, so you don't have to. It's just a suggestion, I think it's worth..." I said but she interrupted me.

"I DON'T NEED THERAPY, I'M FINE!" She shouted having enough of my suggestion. I tried to keep my face as emotionless as possible but I'm sure it didn't work. How am I suppose to help her if she doesn't want to help herself?

"Fine if you truly bel-" I stopped in the middle of the word believe as frustration and stress got the best of me. I HATE HER! I HATE WHO SHE'S BECOMING! She is not the woman I fell in love with. She definitely isn't the woman I married and had five children with. She is not herself, and I hate who replaced the Stephanie Marie Foster I loved.

"No you know what..." I said grabbing her hand forcefully, maybe a bit to tight, and pushed up the sleeve to reveal the cuts. If she won't go for her own good or even for me I know who she will go for.

"Look at these. Can you honestly look at these and tell me your fine. Our children saw you do this to yourself, Stephanie Foster. Why don't you grow up and take some responsibility so you can get better? If not for yourself or for me do it for our kids!" I said letting go of her hand and walking away wishing she will make the right choice. Stef is stubborn but I know she would do anything for our family. Nevertheless, it still has to be her choice. She has to want to get better.

Stef

I watched as she walked away the painful truth still ringing in my ears. 'Do it for our kids!' Those words replayed over and over. How could I be so selfish? I haven't thought about our family at all. I've only been thinking of myself and I need to stop that. Lena has been everything she could to help me over the years and I haven't even been willing to help myself.

My kids for the last few years, as long as they were old enough to understand, have watched me suffer alone because I wouldn't let anyone help me. (Not to mention that they saw my meltdown last night!) That ends now. I need to talk to them, especially after last night, and then apologize to Lena. She's right I need to get myself help.

Since it's a summer day and around noon most of the kids are just getting up and ready for a day at the beach or something else they have planned. Which means they are all still home. I went and knocked on Mariana and Callie's room first.

"Come in" Mariana's voice said from the other side of the door.

"Hey mom" she said trying to sound casual.

"Can we talk?" I asked and she nodded sitting down on her bed and put turned her iPod off.

"I know I have... listen what happened last night..." great I don't even know where to start.

"Are you ok? Have you done that before?"She asked as Callie hair still wet from her shower came back in the room.

"What's going on?" She asked slightly confused at my presence.

"I need to talk to you two." She sat down nodding.

"I'm not at my best now obviously. What happened last night I never should have started again. When I was a teenager I thought it would make everything better. I didn't know that once the brief release was over that everything gets worse. I never meant to start again but during a moment of weakness I caved into temptation. I'm not going to make up an excuse for it. I know I shouldn't have done it and I'm going to get myself help, ok" i just hope that makes sence.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that yesterday and everything else I've managed to mess up over the years because of it. That's stops now" I promised them giving both a hug before doing the same with my other three children.

Now comes the hard part, Lena. I know I have hurt her so many times while dealing with this and I just hope she understands how sorry I am. When I walked in she was putting on her make-up using the mirror furthest from the door. I walked over next to her and started putting make-up on too.

"You're right" I said after hesitation.

"Can I have that in writing?" Lena asked attempting to add humor to this conversation.

"Yeah.I'll go to therapy because you're right I have been selfish."I said finally getting her to look at me.

"I didn't... I never said you were selfish." She denied.

"Please that's what you meant. Thank you if it wasn't for what you said I never would have considered getting myself help." I said as she turned around and kissed me. We decided to go to the beach for a couple of hours.

Lena

Finally she realizes she needs to get herself help. I knew bringing the kids into it would remind her she needs to help her. Hopefully it helps her. We set up the chairs on the beach. We talked about everything except for the current issue for almost an hour. A bit after the conversation died I looked over to find her sleeping.

Finally. I just hope she doesn't have a nightmare while we are here because she doesn't need to attract all that attention. I took off her sunglasses so only her hair shielded her eyes from sunlight. I leaned over and kissed her temple.

"Good night, love"

**Hey guys. Please keep reviewing and if you leave a suggestion about what you want to see happen I'll try to add it.**


	12. Chapter 12

Sharon

I walked into the house as my grandchildren came up to see me.

"Grandma? What are you doing here?" Mariana asked after hugging me. I'm stopping in unexpected because I know I need to be there for my daughter. Besides poor Lena needs someone here to help her.

"Mom hey what are you doing here?" She said but she wasn't confused, we both know why I'm here. She seems a little relieved. Lena though looked like some one just gave her a million dollars. She's differently relieved that she's getting help.

"Just thought I would come and stay with my family for a while. You know family is important" I know we all know why I'm really here. I can't believe all the kids saw Stef hurt herself. How are they doing with all that? I had to come out, if I didn't who would do damage control.

Everyone started to go back into the kitchen since I arrived conveniently during supper time. Lena hung towards the back so she can talk to me.

"Thank you so much" she whispered.

"Honey your eyes said it all. It's my job to help with the damage control. Besides you can't do this all by yourself" I whispered back. After eating supper in an awkward silence the kids went upstairs so me, Lena, and Stef could talk. I was needed here, no one is talking to each other.

"So what exactly has been done since the incident two days" I said taking a sip from my glass of red wine.

"What do you mean? We talked about it with the kids but there's not too much else we can do as of right now" Lena said. At least something has been done. They need to talk, we never had a decent conversation with Stef when she was self-harming as a teenager and I really regretted it. Frank's solution was passing the responsibility off to a youth minister which only made matters worse. I know for a fact that she lost faith in God before she even came home and so did I. I prayed day after day for a year asking him to please bring her home to me, nothing happened. I knew she was alive even after everyone including Frank gave up on the possibility that she is still breathing. I never gave up hope but the police stopped the search claiming that I'm sorry, she's dead.

"Well you need to talk about things. Have you guys been talking about it to each other?" I'm afraid if these things keep happening that it's going to drive a wedge between them. I don't want them getting a divorce because of a lack of communication. Stef and Lena are such a cute couple. When she came out to me I was surprised of course but I was happy for her. She seemed so much happier than she was with Mike. I just hoped that Lena was going to be a nice girl and treat her right. Luckily Lena lived up to the expectation, they are perfect for each other and I hope they don't let this ruin it.

"Yes" stef claimed but her wife didn't seem to agree. Told you, trouble in paradise.

"Well that answers that question. How about we continue this conversation after you two talk yourself out of the handcuffs" I said grabbing Stefs handcuffs and before they can do anything to stop me handcuffed them together.

"Mom?"She complained.

"Don't mom me, I will unlock you when you two have talked to each other." If I were to have had more kids I would have done this when they argued. I grabbed her cop uniform and went upstairs to talk to my grandchildren.

Lena

Sharon is crazy but genius. Sure I would have preferred not being in cuffs but that might be the only way to get her to really talk to me. I'm so thankful that Sharon came out, I never thought I would want my mother-in-law to be out so much.

"Mom is so annoying" she complained messing with the handcuffs.

"Honey it's worthless. These are your handcuffs were not getting out with out the key" I said. Why wouldn't she know that? They are designed to not get out of. Oh wait, her cuts.

"Hey did she put it on the wrong hand" I asked. Sure enough she did.

"I hate that you don't talk to me" I said holding her hand so I don't accidentally hurt her.

"What goes through your mind before you...?" Part of me doesn't want to ask that but I need to. I need to understand, how am I suppose to help her without understanding. She bit her bottom lip nervously.

"I hate myself" the words made my throat hurt as I tried to suppress my tears. My stomach did a somersault at the unexpected truthfulness. With my UN-cuffed hand I whipped the tear away that slid down her cheek.

"I'm such a bitch" I hate that word she better not be using it on herself.

"Stephanie. No you're not" I said kissing her but she pulled away.

"I don't deserve you" she said eerily calm.

"You deserve someone better than me who isn't messed up" I shook my head. How can she think that after all these years.

"A perfect wife would be extremely boring and she wouldn't be you. I want you, not some fake girl to spend the rest of my life with. You. Messed up you, flaws and all." I said smiling at her.

"Brandon would still be alive if It wasn't for me. I practically _killed him._" I know she's carrying the guilt of what happened to him and she shouldn't be.

"Babe, Brandon died protecting you. You didn't kill him she did. He died a hero,love. What happened that day was terrible and it never should have happened but none of it was your fault." I said giving her hand a tight squeeze. Stef deserves so much better than this. She deserves to be happy and I know she's not now.

"Im so sick of it. Im so tired of seeing everything that happened over and over again. I just want to forget" she said. That's what she deserves, to forget.

**HEY so should I bring in another character in the up coming chapters and which one. Stefs dad, Lenas parents, maybe even throw in the kidnappers? Or any other suggestions I can tie into the therapy session. Oh and next chapter I will show ****Sharon's conversation with the kids. Let me know what you think.**


	13. Chapter 13

Sharon

The went into Jesus and Jude's room first. I was already considering Jude and Callie my grandchildren since the first time I met them. I knew Stef and Lena were going to keep them, they already loved them when they took them in. Stef and Lena always have room for more it seems.

"Hey you guys what you up to?" I asked examining the room. Jesus is playing video games and Jude is reading through magazines. I'm glad he's in a safe house were he can be himself and not get _punished _for it.

"Not much" they both said.

"Can we talk?" I said turning off Jesus' video game. He groaned and rolled his eyes.

"You couldn't have let me safe it first?" He asked annoyed.

"We need to talk about your mom" I said getting both of their attention.

"Is she ok?" Jude asked.

"Yeah. We just need to talk about what happened the other night. You know she's going to do everything to get better, right?" I said sitting on Jude's bed.

They both nodded but I can tell there is more that need to be said.

"Both of you need to tell me what's going through your mind or I'll be forced to handcuff you guys too" I threatened. They both gave me a weird look.

"Who have you hand cuffed?" Jesus asked confused.

"Your moms." I said casually. "Why" they both asked as I just shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. Jesus, what's going through your mind about all this?" I said hoping he will open up. This family could easily break apart if they don't communicate.

Lena

After Sharon finally unlocked us me and Stef spent a half an hour just being with each other. I didn't want to leave her after everything she said. We really need to work on her self-esteem. What she says about herself is probably only a fraction of the terrible things she thinks about herself. Over the years I thought her self-esteem was good, minus this time of year when she gets depressed, but I can tell now that it's never been where it should have been. How could I fall for her act? Sure she's a good actress, obviously she has to be since she sold that performance, but I'm suppose to be the one to tell she's not ok. She's always been able to tell when my world's breaking down around me and I wasn't able to do the same for her. When was the last time my wife has been truly happy?

When I decided I should go get groceries she decided to stay home to make sure her mom is ok here with the kids. I got into the car and immediately called my dad. I need to talk to him about this. Me and my dad have always been close, closer than me and my mom at least, and I always talk to him about things I just can't talk to Stef about.

"Hey honey, everything ok?" He asked as I immediately broke down.

"No" I said already struggling to catch my breath I'm crying so hard.

"Lena What's going on?" He asked worried.

"It's that time of year again and she is even worse this time." I spoke quickly in between gasped breaths. Every year I talk to him about this because I have to let go somewhere and it can't be in front of her.

"Oh god. Explain everything." He said as I started to tell him what I know. I told him the story of what happened to her and by the end of it I'm pretty sure he was crying too.

"That's terrible, how could anyone do that to a child?"

"Yeah it gets worse too. She's not sleeping right or eating right for that matter. She's refusing to sleep. Oh and did I forget to mention that she started to self-harm again." I said trying to get a hold of myself.

"Oh my god, shes that bad." I nodded before realizing he can't hear me nod.

"Yeah. I don't know to do. I don't know how to help her. I talked her into therapy, I think it might help. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm dumping the responsibility on some one else" I admitted as a ten ton weight was lifted from my chest.

"Lena, that's not it at all. She needs professional help. You are doing everything you can and you are doing an amazing job I'm sure. Stephanie is very lucky to have you as a wife and I know she knows that. Besides no daughter of mine passes her responsibility to someone else and you certainly aren't starting now."

Sharon

I looked at Jesus patiently awaiting his response but Jude responded instead.

"Why would she do that to herself?" He asked innocently. Jesus' response didn't surprise me.

"Because she's cowardly"

**Sorry it took so long I'm so busy writing other stories now. I'm writing a short story for English, a child's story for art(although I'm not really counting it), my chapter story and two fanfiction. That's five total I might go crazy. Anyways thanks for your patience and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**


	14. Chapter 14

Sharon

Jude seemed angry at Jesus' response. I know that Jesus doesn't really think his mom is a coward or at least not a complete coward. I'm sure he has mixed emotions about it.

"She is not" Jude argued. "She's been through a lot" he said defending his mom's case.

"I know that. You think I don't feel sorry for her? I do but I also saw the look on mom's face. Mom has done everything for her, trying to help her, over the years. How does mom repay her? She messes more stuff up. What did she think hurting herself like that was going to help. All it did was hurt mom more." He said angry. I don't believe what he's saying is uncalled for. I know it's normal for him to feel a little mad at his mom for it especially since he doesn't understand the situation. This is what I'm here for. To heal this family by making them understand the situation they are in.

"This isn't mom's fault" he defended. It makes me so happy to hear Jude calling Stef and Lena mom already. His sister hasn't started yet but I'm sure she will come around soon.

"Then whose fault is it?" He asked irritable probably from lack of sleep.

"Alison and Mark Davis ... the kidnappers" I stated. An uncomfortable silence fell over all of us.

"It's an addiction, self harm. She started as a teenager and she is going to do everything to quit but you have to be patient with her. I know it's easy to place blame and be mad at her but just remember this isn't her fault. If you want to blame someone blame Alison and Mark" I said and waited for another comment before dismissing myself to leave To check on the other kids. Mariana was upset and worried, Callie didn't say much just that she hopes Stef gets better. Brandon was worried about both his moms.

Lena

Today is the day. Stef has her first counseling appointment in a couple of hours. I was surprised they could even get us in as quick as a week after I called but I guess since she is in such a critical condition they wanted to get her in as soon as possible to make sure she's not a threat to herself or others.

Unfortunately, Sharon left four days ago leaving me to deal with this alone again. She really helped a lot though. We are all talking more and about it too. Stef has even began to open up to me. Like really open up. She's not keeping her thoughts to herself anymore thankfully. To sum it up, Sharon is a miracle worker and I can't thank her enough.

On a bad note though she cutted herself two more times. Once yesterday and the other three days ago. To be fair she is trying not to and she's trying hard. The episode yesterday she even called for my help. She really wants to get better.

Since her appointment is at 9:30 in the morning and it's summer all the kids were still home to wish her good luck before we left.

We sat in the car both lost in thought for half the ride untill I finally broke the silence.

"You ready for this, love?" I asked squeezing her hand. She sat in the passenger seat using her hand to fan herself. It's a good 80 degrees out and the poor girl has to wear long sleeves to cover up the cuts. She nodded not really listening to me.

"We should get some bracelets long sleeves in this weather has to be killing you" I said trying to get her to talk only to have her nod again. That poor therapist he better be very good at his job.

Dr. Williams seems like a good guy and great therapist but she barely even looked his way. I had to do all the talking for her. She didn't speak a word, so far and we have been here for thirty minutes. How is this going to work if Stef won't even talk to the guy? I'm suppose to leave soon.

"Does she ever talk for herself?" He asked me.

"Normally she does, actually she's normally the outgoing one. She just clams up around this time of year" I said even though we haven't explained the situation yet.

"Ok, Lena. Do you mind stepping out for a while so I can try talking to her alone?" He asked. I looked over at her to give her a look of 'talk'. I left hoping Stef will talk to him.

Stef

Great, now what am I suppose to do? I can't rely on Lena talking for me anymore. I smiled hoping I can find my voice. It's not like I didn't want to answer the questions it's just my voice isn't working. I even know what to say just can't say them for some reason.

"So Stephanie, you want to explain what's going on with you during this 'time of year'?" He said gesturing towards what Lena said earlier.

'Talk, Stef. It's not hard' I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I guess he saw my internal struggle because he ripped out a paper from his notepad and handed me his pen.

"Write your response" I took the pencil and looked at the paper.

I wrote: As a child I was kidnapped. My brother, Brandon, did everything to keep my protected. He is my hero and he died 33 years ago as of last Tuesday.

Part of me wants to rip up the paper, I don't want him to know that, but I know I have to get better for my family. So instead I pushed the paper towards him. As he read it I subconsciously held my breath waiting for his reaction.

"I'm sorry, that has to be tough on you." He slid the paper back to me so I can write more.

I continued with: it was his sixteenth birthday and I stole a cupcake to give him and got caught. He never would have died if I wasn't for me.

The last sentence was hard to write. He never got to see his family again because I was stupid and tried to steal a cupcake. His parents never got to see their son again, because of me. He never got to grow up and leave that Hell because of me.

"His death isn't your fault, it's the kidnappers fault not yours." That might be true but I should have known what would have happened. I didn't argue though as we talked more about what's going on at home. The session went surprisingly fast after that even though I didn't say a word to him. He seems nice I just hope I can talk to him next week.

Lena

After sitting in the waiting room for about an hour he came back out. Stef was following shortly behind him.

"So Lena, good news is I got her to talk. However not out loud." What does he mean, not out loud?

"She was having some trouble speaking today..." He said then quickly reassured me.

"That's not unusual especially for the first session. People who have been through the trauma she has normally have trouble communicating verbally when the subject is brought up, especially since she was so young when it happened. Anyways it's Nothing to be to concerned with. I gave her a piece of paper and she wrote down what she needed to say. We made some progress today and I will see you both next week" he said as I shook his hand.

I felt like slapping myself. How could I forget that? That's one of the first things I learned in child's psychology. Communication is a skill learned as a child and if trauma is happening during those early years it will cause communication issues through out the rest of the child's life. Is that part of the reason she couldn't tell me about it all these years? She really couldn't tell me.

We left in silence as I was lost in thought. I wonder If she is capable of talking yet or if she wants to say something but can't.

"I'm sorry" I said once I got into the car. She looked over at me as if asking 'for what?' With her eyes. She still can't talk.

"I should have known that you would have trouble talking. It was like the first thing I was taught in child's psychology, I don't know why I would forget that!" I said guilt drowning the words.

She smiled and shook her head, no, with a look of 'don't worry about it' and we drove back in silence.

**Sorry for the long wait been busy with other stuff. Anyways tell me what you think I love to hear from you.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Authors note: before reading this chapter then commenting that I wrote it wrong or something I want you to keep this in mind. I'm 16 years old as far as I'm concerned I don't have a speach impediment and I have been through no trauma (I also don't self harm in case you were wondering). I have had way to many days were for no reason I can't speak. I would have something to say but just can't say it. I don't know why but it's been happening all my life. I believe it's what got my started with writing and why I love it so much. So even though you may think its unrealistic it's not to me.**

**Sorry for blabbing just thought I would say it first, hope you like this chapter.**

Stef

It seems that the rest of the day went by in a fog. Surprisingly I went the rest of the day without speaking a word to anyone. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I can't count how many times I opened my mouth to say something and still nothing came out. It's like I went mute, it's extremly frustrating. When me and Lena finally went to bed I've been dying to run up there and hide for over two hours but I knew that would make a huge scene. I'm tired of making a huge scene and disappointing my family.

"Well you managed to go the whole day without talking, congratulations." She said as if I wanted to remain silent. She sighed.

"Can you talk?" She asked. I shook my head, no. She looked confused. Yeah, I don't understand how I could not be able to talk for a full day either.

"Wait here" she said and left. When she came back she had a note book and pen for me to write with. I smiled.

"If you ever can't talk and want to, just write it. I don't want you holding it all in" she said as I began to write.

The questions that's been bugging me all this time ended up on the paper but I'm afraid to show her.

_I wrote the following questions:_

_Do you think I'm a coward?_

_Do you think Brandon is mad at me for talking about it when he made me promise not to?_

_Could they come back_?

They, meaning the kidnappers. For some reason I still can't shake this awful feeling of dread that something terrible is going to happen because of it.

I held the notebook against my chest and she sighed.

"Honey please let me see it." She said.

"Honey it's ok, you can tell me anything" she said kissing me. I handed her the notebook and bit my bottom lip as she read it.

"Honey you are not a coward. I don't think you are, you are going through a lot. Why would I think you're a coward?" She asked and I took the notebook back.

I wrote_: I am one. I have a family and I use a stupid teenage coping method to deal with whats going on. Im hurting you guys._

"Stephanie, you don't have to be perfect. A family is suppose to support each other, not one person supporting everyone else. You are going through a rough time and that's when you should be able to rely on family. That's what family is for. You are not alone, and you are allowed to make mistakes." She said and I wanted so badly to believe those words. I wanted to believe that I was accepted in this family even when I make mistakes and let them down. I wanted to believe that I didn't have to be perfect because I'm tired of trying and failing at it.

"As for Brandon he was only trying to protect you then. I know he's not mad at you now, I'm sure he's happy you have talked about it... love who is they?" She said. More words I wanted to believe.

I wrote: the kidnappers

She sighed and shook her head. "They are in jail serving life, they can't hurt you any more. You are safe! You are stronger now, love. You are keeping the world safe from people like them. I can't be more proud of you"

**I know that one was short, but I'll make next one long. What do you want to see next, please leave suggestions.**


	16. Chapter 16

Lena

_Another nightmare?_ I thought as the blonde fitFully tossed and turned in her sleep. _she was doing so good, hasn't had one for days. I wish they would just go away, she needs to mention them to her therapist._ I sighed, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. Her eyes are squeezed shut and her hands are in fists.

"Shh, baby it's ok" I whispered in her ear and leaned forward to hear what she's mumbling to herself. She doesn't talk in her sleep very often but when she does it's because she's having a nightmare.

"Please...don't" she said softly. I wonder what she's envisioning. _Them_ _kidnapping her? Them abusing her, or Mark going into her room late at night?_ The thought made me hold her tighter. I don't want her reliving that, it's bad enough she went through it once.

As much as she needs her sleep I need to wake her up, I need to keep her from living it again.

"Stephanie, love. Wake up" I said in her ear and placed kisses on her face. She woke up but the terror was still in her eyes.

"Its ok, honey. It's all over, you're safe." I said and she starts crying.

"Please... I'm sorry" she said surprising me. She's still asleep? She's still there she can't see me.

"Please don't" she cried tensing up in my arms. She looks terrified, I need to wake her. I shook her hoping it will wake her but she still has the distant look in her eyes. Why won't she wake up, she's normally a very light sleeper. So why won't she wake up now?

After several minutes of trying to wake her but only having to witness her going through the trauma again I knew I had to get her out of the dream another way.

"Stephanie honey, can you hear me?" I whispered in her ear. She nodded, yes.

"It's all over honey. Follow the sound of my voice" I told her but she shook her head, no.

"I-I can't" she stuttered in a whisper like she was trying to keep someone from hearing her.

"Yes you can, it's all over now" I told her and her response temporarily caught me off guard.

"Mommy?" She said. Well that's not exactly what I was going for but I didn't dare correct. If her thinking I'm her mommy gets her out of that nightmare then so be it. I need to get her out.

"Yeah sweety it's me. I need you to come to me" I said softly like I was talking to a child. I am, mentally Stef is a child now.

"I can't. _Father will hurt me." _she whispered back and I could her the fear in her voice. I wiped away the tears and held her closer.

"No baby. Father can't hurt you ever again, I promise" I said as Stefs hands gripped my shirt so tightly that I can feel her finger nails piercings my skin. I want her to understand that _father_ can't hurt her anymore or ever again. I wanted the scared child in her to know that so that adult her knows it too.

"Yes he can" she insisted.

"Honey where is father now?" I asked and she whispered quieter.

"He is in the other room, getting ready to punish me" she said giving me goosebumps.

_I can't allow father to _punish_ her, again. _I thought trying to think of her to get her out.

"Sweety he can't hurt you again, come to me" I begged and thankfully she woke up. Really woke up this time. She pulled away from me slightly so she's looking at my face.

"You ok?" I asked and she nodded, yes. Despite everything It wasn't a lie. Or at least not a complete lie.

"It's all over" I repeatedly promised. "They can't hurt you anymore"

For the first time she said,"I know" truthfully to that statement. Despite everything I smiled a bit knowing that we have made progress. Then as if out of nowhere we both broke into tears, holding each other and comforting the other. Despite everything I know she's going to be ok again, eventually.

**wow ok, even I didn't expect this chapter to be so deep. I hope you like it and please review to let me know. I would also love suggestions. I'm throwing around the idea of bringing in another character or characters into this. So tell me who you want to see.**


	17. Chapter 17

Stef

Today is my first day back to work in like two weeks, and their first reaction to seeing me is saying, "you're alive? We thought you died".

"Thanks guys I missed you too." I replied sitting down at my desk. _The flu_, I reminded myself. _ If anyone asks I had the flu. Act normal and the uniform will cover my wrists. _I told myself but I know there is one cop here who knows better than to believe my lies.

"So why we're you absent for two weeks" Mike asks from his desk next to mine. His tone is accusing and he's just setting me up.

"The flu" I said in a whisper not trying to draw attention to myself.

"You know it's pretty amazing how many years you have had the flu at the same week" he said. We both know he knows what's really going on so why doesn't he just drop it.

"Yea weird... What do you want me to say?" I whispered harshly. I didn't want to see him again. Sure he has come over twice to pick Brandon up but he couldn't say anything to me with Lena and Brandon being there.

"What happened?" He said his voice non-accusing all of a sudden. "You normally don't take two weeks off" I wanted to tell him to mind his own business but I knew it wouldn't work.

"You know the usual" I lied. Me and Mike have known each other for twenty-two years now and he has seen me go through the usual for years. He doesn't seem to be buying it.

"The usual doesn't end with you cutting yourself" he whispered. Great so Brandon told him.

"Will you shut up?" I whispered looking around the room. Nobody's eyes were on me.

"Why would you start again? It took you being pregnant with Brandon for you to quit" he said. Ok so you caught me, I lied to Lena. However I did stop when I was twenty-two it was just short-lived. By the next year I started again and I didn't quit again untill I was twenty-five. My mom doesn't know about that relapse and I really want it to stay between me and Mike.

"Shit happens" I joked trying to take some of the tension away from the conversation. At the words he decided it was best to give me space, finally.

Mike

I knew something was wrong when stef was missing day after day of work, it wasn't like her. Her job means so much to her and I know she would come unless something really bad has happened. Everyone one else in the station were starting to get concerned, too. After the second day I looked at the calendar and it all made sence the anniversary of her brother's death. When we were married she used to avoid me at all cost during this week. If I forgot that year then I assumed I messed up again but after it continued for so long I pieced it all together.

Stef never came out and told me what happened but when curiosity got the best of me I asked her. She never answered but what she said in her nightmares helped me get to the bottom of it. She would tense up and start saying stuff like, "please don't" or "I'm sorry, please don't hurt me". Of course this worrying me I would try to go to wrap my arms around her. Unfortunately, being a man it only made her freak out worse and she would wake up to the sound of her own screaming.

When I would ask what her dream was about she would either not answer or respond with a "I forget". My mind worried that it was something to do with domestic violence but even though Frank can be an ass I doubted he would do such a thing, and Sharon I doubt even could think of it. So I did some research and found it out for myself.

When I asked her about it she locked herself in the bathroom and cutted herself. Needless to say I never asked again.

When Brandon was acting weird on his day with me, Stefs fourth day of missing work, he told me how everything is going bad at home. He admitted to seeing his mom not eating, not sleeping and worse of all he admitted to seeing how she had hurt herself.

He told me how worried he was not only for her but also for Lena. Since its obvious to him that she's trying to act as the person who has control over the situation and she doesn't. He told me he doesn't know how much more she can take.

Lena

Today is her second therapy session and I just hope she can talk this time. I just really need to be able to hope this will work. It's the only hope I have for her now. I know she needs his help and I know he's going to be a good therapist I just worry that Stef will have trouble opening up. After all it took her ten years to open up to me and were married.

On a good note, he did say they made progress last time so hopefully that will continue.

"So how has everything been going on at home?" He asked looking at her but I can see he's looking at me through the corner of his eye. I know he's expecting me to answer but I want Stef to.

"Well not quite like it was before but we aren't doing to bad" she said having found her voice this session.

"Well it's nice to see the cat returned your tongue" he joked. "Sorry my jokes normally aren't funny, you'll get use to it" well they have something in common at least.

After a while of us talking about her last nightmare, Stef being embarrassed by the mommy comment, he suggested something I never expected.

"I know this might sound like a bad idea and Stef if you don't feel ready for it then don't but I suggest you go out to see your kidnappers." He said and I looked at him like he was crazy.

Not normally one for confrontation I was surprised when I interrupted his crazy proposal.

"With all due respect, how is that a good idea?" I said sounding more accusing then I wanted to.

"I know it sounds crazy but I really believe it's the best for Stef to see them and realize that they are not as terrifying as she viewed them as a child. I have had this method work many times with other_ victims_ of crimes similar" I watched as she winced at the word, victims. Victim is not something she wants to be called.

I felt my control snap.

"Well she isn't them" I yelled surprising myself.

"She's had two sessions with you. You don't know her yet. I might not be in the legal position to say that she's not ready but I know her. You don't see her at home and you don't see the fear in her eyes when she had one of her nightmares. I have seen it happen for ten years now and it never gets easier to see. It's actually gotten worse because now I know what she is seeing when they happen. So with all due respect,sir, I disagree with her being ready for that" I shouted before managing to regain control over my anger and frustration.

"I understand, but with all due respect that isn't your choice. It's hers. If she doesn't feel ready then she doesn't do it, just please don't interfere with my patients overall improvement or I will have to make this a private session" he said and I apologized embarrassed for my earlier words. He's right though, it's not my choice it's hers!

**duh duh duh... Wow a side of Lena we never thought we would see. Also I strangely included Mike in this one, wasn't expecting that. Well let me know what you think. Also any suggestions is always welcome. I would try to include them but if I can't it's still nice to hear your thoughts on the story.**


	18. Chapter 18

Stef

I sat there in shock as my wife flipped out. I never imagined seeing this side to her and I can't tell if I like it or not. Part of it was almost funny shy Lena who is carefsaid whaver hurt someone else's feeling yelling at him telling him he's wrong. Insulting his job, was never something I expected from her and I know it's from the stress. She immediately stopped and calmed down afterwards and I can tell shy Lena felt bad and embarrassed for her words.

On the hand, I couldn't help the emotional terminal that I felt when Her words sank in. She doesn't believe I'm ready? Am I? I want to get better and do what he suggests but is it too soon? What will happen if I go to see them? I still have a feeling of dread that if I go something bad will happen. Maybe I'm not ready.

I followed quietly behind her as we left my appointment. When we got to the car when she finally said something.

"Im sorry, if you want to go I'm more then willing to go with you" she said sounding sincere even though I can tell she doesn't want me to go.

"Do you really think I'm not ready?" I said not even trying to hide the hurt in my voice.

"Honey I shouldn't have..." I interupted her pointless apology.

"Yeah but you meant it. Didn't you?" I asked leaning against the window.

"It's so hard for me to watch you have those nightmares, sweety. I can't imagine how hard it is for you and I just want to... Honey I'm worried about it, these nightmares are getting worse." She said not really answering my question.

"So you don't think I'm ready?" I restated. She sighed but answered truthfully.

"No I don't... but he's right what I think doesn't matter..." the light turned red and she looked over at me.

"It matters to me!" I shouted. she looked at me with a look of apology.

"Honey, I'm sorry. Do you think you're ready?" She asked as the light took off and she continued driving.

"I don't know" I said frustrated. " I want to but..." I paused trying to find a way to explain it.

"I can't... look at the road" I reminded her and she kept her eyes on the road. "I just can't shake this feeling that something really bad will happen if I go"

She held my hand and gave me a tight squeeze. "If it makes you uncomfortable then you don't have to go. Please don't stress yourself out about something you don't even have to do"

We didn't talk for the rest of the ride home as I tried to figure out what to do.

Lena

The next couple of hours went by pretty uneventful and by three in the afternoon all the kids were out doing something leaving us alone. She got up from her spot on the couch claiming she is going to take a quick nap.

"Honey..." I called after her. "Are we ok?" She nodded yes, but I know we're not.

"No, love. Can we please talk?" I said and she sat back down.

"How was work yesterday?" I asked her yesterday but she just shrugged and said less then the kids do when I ask how their day at school went. I'm still worried about it since it was her first day back in two weeks and I I'm sure people were asking her about it. She told me that she would say she just had the flu but two weeks is a suspiciously long time to be out for the flu. Then today she's had to request working later because of her appointment, which only would add the suspicion.

"It was ok, good to be back" she said looking nervous. Why would she have to be nervous? What is she keeping from me?

"Did something happen, love?" I asked knowing that with her always acting weird lately, it's hard to tell when something actually happened.

"What no!l" she said defensively one thing she isn't good at is lying to someone's face. Her arms were folded against her chest tightly, defensively.

Stef-flashback

I tried to keep a poker face as the questioning continued but I know it's slipping.

"So you took two weeks off for the flu?" David questioned and before I could comment something sarcastic so I don't seem defensive Mike stepped in. I can say a lot of bad things about him but I can never say he doesn't have my back. Being friends since twenty years old, no matter what we both seem to have each others back. Sometimes though I would like for him to let me handle this myself.

"Yeah I heard the flu is bad this year, she probably had to wait untill she wasn't contagious anymore" he said giving me a half smile.

"You get the flu a lot" Jack added. "Ever heard of the flu shot?" He teased.

"She always takes those weeks off. Why?" David asks. The people I work with are the nosiest people I have ever met. Can they ever just mind their own business?

My breathing became harder and my heart pounded on my chest like it wanted to break free.

"Your parents didn't love you, we love you" his words repeated in my ears. "Don't you love us, honey?" She asked brushing my hair before school. I hate when she brushes my hair, I want Brandon to do it. I know what would happen if I were to say that so I said what was expected of me.

"Of course I love you, Mother" I said. Love never used to be a bad word, but now it's sickening to me.

As the memory ended I ran to the bathroom, just wanting to disappear from the world. All I have ever wanted to do in my life is disappear like I'm suppose to do. When I got into the bathroom I pulled out the small disposable razor that I hide in my pocket in case I need it. I pulled up my shirt and cutted the skin above my right rib. Beside it were two other cuts that Lena is unaware of. She has been checking my wrists but never thought to check the rest of my body.

_I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. (Lyrics from Johnny Cashs hurt). _I tried to block out all other feelings but the thoughts keep coming.

"If you were to listen to me and be a good girl I wouldn't have to do this" he said. Mike came in, despite the fact that I'm in the girls bathroom, and took the razor from my hand.

"Way to be not suspicious" he said eerily calm. We have been through this too many times together. He dampened a paper towel and I held it to the cut.

"How many times have you done this?" He asked seeing my other cuts. I didn't answer but I wasn't expected to. I never answer that question.

"You need to go to have this properly cleaned." He said. Translation: you need to walk out and have everyone in the station see what you did to yourself so you can get the self-inflicted cut taken care of. Then have to go through a series of question from everyone including my boss and then be forced to pass a pysch-evaluation before be able to continue doing my job.

Yeah no thanks, I think I'll pass.

"I can clean this up myself, Mike. I already made enough of a scene, I don't need to make more" I said throwing away the paper towel as it stopped bleeding.

**A couple of notes: in no way am I shipping Mike and stef trust me I love stef and Lena. I do believe however that they have each others back, after all those years of being divorced and working together they would probably be over it and being somewhat friends again. Atleast enough to have each others I don't want to portray Mike's character as the stereotypical bad ex. So please don't hate. **

**Second, I had hurt by Johnny Cash in my head when writing this. (This story reminds me of the song) the lyrics belong to him and I'm in no way trying to claim ownership.**

**Hope you enjoyed and please review**


	19. Chapter 19

Lena

Stef is good at keeping things from me. If she doesn't want to tell me something then she's not going to. She's been doing it for ten years, fortunately for me I do know who I cam figure it out from. Mike is so much easier to crack.

"Hey Lena is everything alright?" He asked worried. You can tell that he knows at least some of what is going on.

"Not exactly, what happened yesterday?" I asked immediately getting to the point.

"What do you mean?" He faked ignorance. I rolled my eyes, why won't he just tell me.

"Don't pretend to be stupid, Michael. What happened with Stef yesterday at work? She won't tell me but you will" I said stirring the pot of spaghetti.

"What? You're calling me because your wife refuses to tell you something?" Mike asked circle talking. Why doesn't he just tell me? He doesn't need to protect her.

"Yes I'm sure you can remember how difficult she can be."I stated not bothering to cover the annoyed sound in my voice.

"You got that right."He said laughing a little to himself. He's trying to stall me.

"Michael Daniel Foster tell me right now!" i said sounding like his mother.

"How do you know my middle name?" Well he might try but I will not give up untill I get the answer from him.

"I have my sources... did she hurt herself again?" I asked hoping that Mike already knew about it. Since Stef supposedly stopped at twenty-two the first time and she knew Mike as a friend since twenty years old I assume he would.

He sighed,"yeah she did. They were asking her about why she was out for so long and she ended up running to the bathroom"

Why can't she just tell me?

"I hate that she doesn't tell me these things" I said. How terrible is it that I have to ask my wife's ex-us an d to figure out these things.

"Don't take it personally she does that to everyone. All cutters do! What I don't understand is how she can relapse again since she knows how hard it was to quit the first two times." Wait what does he mean by again and two times? How much is she keeping from me?

"Again? I was told she quit when she was twenty-two" I said. Why would Sharon lie to me?

"She did. Then she started again a year later and didn't quit untill she was pregnant with Brandon at twenty-five." He explained. I thanked him for telling me and hanged up.

I went upstairs to where hopefully stef was sleeping and thankfully she was. I shook her yelling at her to wake up.

Confused by the rude awakening she asked me what that was for.

"That was for me having to call your ex-husband to figure out you're lying to me" I yelled.

"Honey, I'm sorry. Yes I cut yesterday, I just didn't want to disappoint you" she said the last part quietly.

"Disappoint me? I asked for you to do one thing for me and that was to tell me when that happens. How am I suppose to be able to trust you when all you've been doing is lying to me lately?" I said not sure how much more of this I can take. I love stef with all my heart but there is only so much I can handle.

"Lena please I'm sorry..."She said sensing where I'm going with this. Tears streamed down her face causing me to tear up.

"If you can't tell me the truth and all of it then..." My sobs got caught in my throat. Here goes nothing.

"Then I want a divorce" I said barely above a whisper. I never thought I would say that. I have never loved anyone like I love her and I know she loves me too. She's more than I could ever dream of and I don't want to lose her but I also can't be in a relationship where I don't know if she's being truthful.

"No please... I'm so sorry. I'll do anything, tell you anything and everything, just please don't leave me. I need you please..." She begged between sobs. I can't lose her.

"Everything, you have to tell me everything and you need to from now on" I said crying too.

She nodded,"I promise" I sat on our bed ready to finally hear the truth.

Stef

Divorce, the word was like being punched in the gut and the intensity of it only got worse as the realization of it hit me. I might lose her. I can't lose her, I need her. I'm not whole without her. I can't do this alone. She's been so amazing and I took advantage of it. How could I do that to her? I swore I wouldn't do that to her. She deserves better.

I opened my mouth to thank her for everything but the words wouldn't come out. No, not now. Please anytime but now.

_Talk, Stephanie. Tell her that you're thankful for everything she's done for you. Tell her everything that happened then and now. Tell her the truth, it's the only way to keep her. _my mind screamed at me but my mouth won't seem to work.

_No one would care what you have to say. No one cares about you. You're just a waste of space, everyone wishes you didn't exist. No one would listen you, you're suppose to remain invisible _her words stung in my ears.

_no lena cares, she cares enough to listen so I have to speak._ a voice from deep within said as if it's been trying to break through the wall of her hatred for years now and it just broke it down. It's reminding me that I matter, that I'm not suppose be invisible. That I'm meant to exist and that people love me. That they don't control me anymore and suddenly I could speak.

"Thank you, thank you so much. For everything, I'm sorry I never said that. I do appreciate everything you do for me." I said the very overdue words. Then began to keep my promise as I started to face everything so I can tell her.

**I was half debating being evil and ending at the I want a divorce thing but I decided to be nice. Next chapter will have Stef confessing everything. Please review**


	20. Chapter 20

Stef

I sat there for a while trying to find the words to say. Where do I start? _the beginning, genius. _I thought putting my shaky hands in my pockets.

"When I first woke up there, everything seemed like a dream. I guess they gave me some drug in their van to keep me from fighting back. I was in such a dream-like state that I didn't really understand what was going on. The only things I knew for a fact was that I was in a place I didn't recognize and that it was cold and dark." I said trying to blink away tears. Her stare was sympathetic and sad.

"When I started to come out of the dream-like fog the first thing I became aware of was that I was alone. I just wanted my parents" I said crying and she took me into a hug. I'm so thankful that I still have her.

"Its ok, love" she said wiping the tears away.

"Are you still mad at me?" I sound childish. She shook her head, no.

"No baby. I just need you to tell me the rest. Can you please tell me?" She asked and I nodded. I took in a deep breath to calm myself.

"The first person I saw there was Brandon. At the time I didn't know everything he would end up doing for me. I was afraid of him for obvious reason so I backed myself into the corner as far away from him as possible. He sat down about three or so feet from me and told me he wouldn't hurt me. I responded once I was able to find my voice that I wasn't suppose to stalk to strangers. He told me I was his brother,Brandon. That now I was his little sister. He told me how this family worked. He told me that he too had a family before them and that he wanted to go home. He told me he was scared too and that he would protect me. When that conversation ended he changed the topic to just about anything to try to relax me. When we went to bed that night, without having dinner, he told me that he would stay with me through the night. I didn't know it yet but he had a room upstairs which I would later move into.

When I told him I was scared and couldn't fall asleep he went upstairs to his room and got me this teddy bear he had since he found it in the basement the day he came here. I later found out that the teddy bear belonged to a little girl named Alex who was their daughter who died at seven years of age after being locked in there and suffering from an asthma attack." I explained thinking back on when I first figured that out after researching the case when I was sixteen and I ended up having everyone staring at me because I suddenly started bawling.

"He told me that he didn't know who the bear belonged to but he thought It was a previous little kid who they kidnapped. He said despite being eleven and being "too old" to own a teddy bear he kept it because he thought who ever owned him would want him to be loved and cared for just like he or she did. He told me I should have him since I was scared and going through the same thing they did and the bear should be there to comfort me like he was there to comfort her. When I was nine and taken from the place I told the police I needed to go back for something. They thought It was weird but let me go in and get him.

I wanted him to be taken care for since he helped me through a lot and helped Brandon and Alex through it too. I knew she would want him to be with other little children just like Brandon did. I wish I still had him, I did up untill a year before Brandon was born. I was constantly resewing him and eventually what I fear happened did. He was so torn up that I couldn't sew him anymore. I cried for like a week, it was like losing a best friend." I miss him a lot.

Lena

I watched as she rambled on about the teddy bear trying how to keep myself from crying for her sake. How can I stay mad at her?

"Anyways the mother, as I was trained to call her, would say terrible things to keep me from saying anything to friends or the teachers or anyone else for that matter. She used to tell me how no one would care or listen to me. She used to tell me that everyone wished I didn't exist, including my parents. She told me they got rid of me on purpose, that they sent me there. I didn't want to believe it, I did everything to try to keep hope.I used to pray every morning and night and she told me that God would never answer my prayers because he didn't care about me. Eventually when things are repeated over and over and no one's saying any different you believe them. I stopped praying and started to hate God for letting this happen to me. Everyone thinks I lost faith after the Tess brown situation but I lost faith years before.

I started to believe that my parents hated me because I thought if they did they would have come to get me. Brandon told me otherwise that they were looking for me but I didn't believe it." She said and I can tell she feels guilty about blaming God and her parents for what they did.

"Honey you were young. You didn't understand the situation and if they kept saying it over and over eventually you're going to end up believing them. This isnt your fault" I said kissing her and pulling her close.

"I love you" I whispered with as much love as I could put behind the three words.

"I love you too" she said kissing me passionately. She deepened the kiss and her hands moved up under my shirt. Just as I was about to let her take it off Marianas voice interrupted us.

"Moms I'm home" she called up.

"Ok honey be right down" I yelled as we both broke into laughter.

"Everytime" she sighed dramatically.

"Come down stairs now and we will finish later" She promised seductively. I followed behind her happy went from almost divorcing to actually getting lucky tonight.

**There will be more confessions from Stef during the next couple of chapters. No I will not write the sex scene sorry use your imagination, it makes me uncomfortable. Also I cried writing this which is rare for me. Please review **


	21. Chapter 21

Stef

When I woke up the next morning to find her passed out on my chest I took a second to just take in her beauty. Her curls covered her face as she rose and fell with the patterns of my breaths. I smiled reminding myself how lucky I am to have her and how close I came to losing her. I took her for granted and I'll never do it again because she deserves better.

I kissed her on the forehead and she moaned happily in her sleep. I hugged her tightly and rolled her over onto her side of the bed. Lena could sleep through any apocalypse you could think of, so I'm not surprised that she stayed asleep. I watched as she reached out to find me and I put my pillow against her for her to cuddle up to.

After putting pajamas on and brushing my teeth I headed downstairs to make her breakfast. This works out perfectly since I don't have to go in for work untill eleven. When the thought of work crossed my mind I immediately tried to push it away. I haven't dreaded going to work since before becoming a cop. I get along with most of the other cops, most of the time, and It makes for a home-like feel. I couldn't live without the awkward sex jokes, the teasing and rumors that happens while we are doing paperwork. Unfortunately, that leads to many very nosy people.

Once I had the pancakes made I went up to our bedroom. She was still asleep when I came up. I put the tray down and gently woke her up.

"Hmmm... five more minutes" she mumbled and turned around. I wrapped my arms around her.

"Come on, love. I made you pancakes" I offered and she smiled. She sat up tiredly.

"Thanks, love" she said and I handed the tray to her. We ate in silence for a while untill she said something I wasn't expecting.

"What was it like to come back after all those years" she asked a look of bewilderment on my face.

I thought about how to respond for a while, just trying to find the right words. That was so unreal when it happened. It felt like a dream.

"It felt like a dream. I gave up hopes years before of ever coming back to my parents so I didn't believe it was happening. I was in the foster system for six months before they found out who I was. I was in a foster home at the time, my foster-father was alright. He didn't hurt me but I always thought he would. The more I think about it the more I realize that he was actually a good guy he knew I've been through something traumatic and he wanted to give me a home. He was the cop that was there the day Brandon died and he was the one who saved me. As I grew up I was influenced by him, he was the reason I wanted to be a cop. I knew that if it wasn't for him and the other cops I wouldn't have been found alive. I wanted to follow in his footsteps and help people like he helped me.

He was the one who took me to them in the first place and I remember just standing there not believing what I saw. My mom started crying whether it was happy tears or not I couldn't decide but I think it was a mix of both. She ran up to me and hugged me and I just stood there, frozen. I didn't hug back or pull away and eventually she pulled away and thanked him for saving me. My dad came up to me slowly and when he stood in front of me he stopped and just stared like he was making sure I was his daughter and then suddenly he hugged me.

I went back to their house but everything has changed. The colors of the rooms, the placement of the furniture but mostly there was no pictures. When I was younger I remember we had family pictures on the walls and now they were blank. I didn't understand why they would take them down. I remember thinking it was because they truly didn't want me back and that they didn't want to think of us as a family anymore. I only spoke to them when it was absolutely necessary and tried to avoid it at all costs. I tried to keep myself from getting emotionally invested with them because I keep thinking it was a dream. That I would wake up and be back there. They put me in therapy and speech therapy but It didn't really work. I didn't talk to either of them and eventually both therapist came up with the same conclusion that due to the trauma I lived through and since I was so young that I had a speech disorder."

The whole time I explained this she listened with her full focus on me. She would rub my back and accasionly give me a bite of pancake. The conversation died down after that and a couple of hours later I had to go to work. I spent the day ignoring questions and denying rediculous rumors that I hope no one actually believed. After coming back from patrolling the town to make sure that no one did something bad like run a stop sign I was back in the station. Thankfully everyone was leaving me alone. It was about an hour before my shift was supposed to end when a woman walked in asking for me. The girl had dirty blonde hair and surprisingly looked a lot like me.

"Hello are you Stephanie Foster?" She asked seeming very nervous but motivated.

"Yes I am. Who are you?" I asked politely and she breathed in quickly. She looked around the room nervously and when no one was looking at us she answered in a whisper.

"My name is Alex Johnson. I was the girl who died in the basement, your kidnappers daughter" she explained and I tried to make sence of it. How could that be possible? She died. She paused before saying something that shocked me even more.

"And I'm your sister"

**Someone play the suspenseful music, just kidding. Anyway I decided that I can't not through the plot twist in it because the plot needs to be twisted. I'm going to change my original idea a bit to make it less cruel. Let me know what you think. What do you thinks going to happen next.**


	22. Chapter 22

Stef

I don't know how long I stare trying to make sense of what she just told me. It had to be long enough because she started to get concerned.

"Are you ok? I know this is a lot to take in." She said sympathetically.

"Oh yeah... Wait what?" I said as people are starting to stare. She looked around at the eyes that stared at us obviously uncomfortable. Can't blame her that makes me uncomfortable too.

"Can we go get a cup of coffee where we have privacy, my treat" she said getting up and grabbing her purse.

"Sure" I said standing up to follow her. _I'm not suppose to leave yet_ my mind reminded myself.

"Crap, I can't leave yet. How about in 45 minutes I meet you in the little coffee shop down the street" she nodded yes and then left the station. How am I suppose to survive 45 minutes without knowing?

None of this makes sence the article said she died and how could she be my sister. What is going on here?

I texted Lena to let her know I won't be home right away.

She responded: are you ok? What happened

Me: yeah fine, I'll explain when I go home

My life has become a weird drama and I'm sick of it. Why can't people just tell me what's going on?

The next 45 minutes went by painfully slow as I kept looking at the clock every minute. When I met up with her she already had her coffee so I went up and ordered mine. Luckily there isn't many people here at nearly five a clock, it only sells coffee.

"So I'm sorry I threw that all at you at once, I shouldn't have." She apologized and I just shook my head, no.

"It's ok might as well get it out-of-the-way. Can you please explain I'm confused" I admitted taking to big a sip from my hot coffee.

"Yeah, when I was seven my 'parents' got pissed at me for something I did and they locked me in the basement. I've had asthma all my life and panicking like that causes an asthma attack. When I couldn't get enough oxygen I passed out and went into a bad coma. My sitter then was luckily scheduled to babysit me so when she came over she couldn't find me. Luckily she eventually found my passed out body in the basement. She couldn't find my pulse and she couldn't hear me breath so she assumed I was dead already. She called 911 and told them I was dead. The one doctor realized that I wasn't and that I was only in a coma.

Now you know how they were. Everyone loved them, thought highly of them and they were practically celebrities in that small town. No one thought they were capable of such actions, even my sitter. They were good actors, they claimed that I went downstairs to get something and accidentally got myself locked in and everyone believed it. The newspaper published that I was dead because the doctor didn't tell anyone I was in a coma. He was the only one that thought they locked me in there and he knew no one believe him. He didn't want me sent back to them when I came out of it so he lied and faked my death. When I came out of the coma six months later he changed my identity and moved me to a foster care system about an hour away. Everyone there still thinks I'm dead. I go by Katie Johnson now since I was adopted by the Johnson's at age 9.

My therapist told me to research the case now to help me get better. I didn't know untill recently that they kidnapped you and Brandon. After a lot of research I found the eerie twist to the already sick story. When I was three Alison gave a little girl up for adoption, it was a direct adoption. You were that girl, I'm sorry" she said as I sat there trying to wrap my mind around it all. This still doesn't make sence. Why would they put me up for adoption but not Alex? Why would they kidnap me six years later if they never wanted me in the first place? Why didn't my parents tell me? Didn't they know who kidnapped me was my birth parents?

"Trust me it doesn't make sence to me and I'm still trying to figure things out myself. If I figure anything else out I'll get in touch with you" she said before we both went separate ways. I drove back still numb from everything I was just told. When I go home, Lena was just putting supper on the table.

"Just in time" she said and gave me a worried smile. I slipped into my seat and just sat there. Eventually Lena asked what was wrong.

"Well the author of my messed up life just decided to throw in a plot twist. Oh how clever, surprise Alex isn't dead. Surprise your adopted. Surprise your birth parents are your kidnappers and Alex is your sister. Happily ever after to me" I screamed getting up from my chair and running upstairs. I just don't know how much more I can take.

**you really are being spoiled with two CHAPTERs in a day don't expect that to happen again because it probably won't. Poor Stef, I feel really bad for her. I honestly know as much as you guys do as far as where this story is going from here. So if you have suggestions now's the time to throw them at me. Also please review I wasn't sure about this twist and would like your opinion on it.**


	23. Chapter 23

Lena

Me and the kids sat quietly as she flipped out. What's happened? She was talking to fast for me to catch that. Great more drama why can't it stop. How is she suppose to get better if life just keeps throwing more stuff at her? Can't it just give us a break?

"I'm going to go check on her" I said but Mariana and Jesus stopped me.

"No let us" he said as they both stood last thing I need is for them to go upstairs to find their mom cutting again and I have to make sure shes ok.

"Let me go check on her first then you guys can talk to her" i said not even understanding why they want to talk to her first. They nodded and I headed upstairs to check on her. I found her razor in hand obviously fighting an internal battle. Her breathing was fast and she was shaking really badly.

"You don't need to" I said taking the razor from her hand and throwing in it into our bedroom. I wrapped my arms around her and tried to hold her back from running for it.

"I know you have been through a lot and trust me I wish it would end too but it's going to be ok." I said pressing our foreheads together and I can feel her rapid breaths against my face. I can feel her body shaking against mine.

"I know you don't believe me but it will. You're not alone, and what ever happened today we will get through together." I said and she closed her eyes tightly.

"Their my birth parents" she said but the statement sounded like a question of disbelief. Like she was waiting for me to tell her otherwise.

"Who?" I asked still trying to understand so I can help her.

"Alison and Mark" she said as I tried to make sence of it. Why would they give her up for adoption then six years later kidnap her? Why wouldn't her parents say anything to her? I get that when she was younger they had reasons to keep it from her but she's an adult now.

I could see the pain in her eyes and I can't imagine what this is like for her to hear, especially after everything.

"They're my parents, they're really my parents" she said and I know that a million thoughts have to be running through her head.

"Honey you of all people should know that it's who raises and cares for you that's your parents. Ok? DNA doesn't make a family love does" I reminded her using the same quote I used when talking to Mariana.

I sighed, I have no idea what she's going through now. Maybe I should just have Mariana and Jesus talk to her.

"im just so sick of not knowing whats going on. Everyone else seems to know but I don't, is it too much to ask to just know the truth?" she said and then she seemed lost in thought.

"can you go to see them with me?" she asked and I tried to think of who she could be thinking of. It took a while then it dawned on me that she's talking about her birth parents.

"honey are you sure?" I asked. she just nodded and I know she believes this will help her I just hope she's right.

stef

I know that everyone thinks I have to be insane to want to go see my birth parents especially since they did kidnap me but they might be the only people who can tell me the truth. I know lena doesn't want me to go but it means a lot that she will go with me anyways. I don't know if I could do this without her. I can't believe it's already the day to go see them. the kids offered to come along but neither of us were thrilled at the idea of taking them to a prison, so its just me and lena.

"You ready for this" she asked and I can hear the worry in her voice. shes constantly worried about me and how im going to handle situations, for obvious reasons, but it's still drives me crazy. she has enough to worry about she doesn't need to be worried about me on top of it.

When we arrived we walked silently both lost in thought. What if im really not ready and Lenas right. I can't turn back now but the more I think about it the more I want to. Lena must have noticed that I have slowed down because she stopped. She looked at me and her eyes said it all. 'you can do it' I looked at the doors and I know she knows what im thinking.

"if you really want to bail out you can" she said her voice suggestive.

"no I need to do this" I said and she just smiled and shook her head. she keep walking as I just hope I made the right choice. We sat at a small round table as they went to get them. When they joined us at the table I tried to keep my face as emotionless as possible but I know im failing. Painful memories came flooding back as what I feared was true. Lena was right.

**I'm sorry for the wait, I had a bit of writers block with this story, then some technical issues and I was also busy. let me know what you think. I love to hear from you**


	24. Chapter 24

Lena

When Alison and Mark came out and sat down with us I felt her grab my hand and squeeze it to the point that I think I lost circulation. I knew she wasn't ready, but I know it wasn't right to tell her she can't go. She looked at me from the corner of her eye and I hoped that I was giving her some comfort. she opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. Oh great, perfect timing, she cant speak again.

"What's wrong with you?" Alison said to Stef and all my anger took over. This woman has some nerve, after everything she has put my wife through she still talks to her like she's better than her. I rolled my eyes, I hate people like her. When Stef didn't answer she continued.

"im surprised you came to visit..." she started to say as if she was supposed to come out to visit.

"you should be, you aren't worth her time" I said and she just glared at me. She might scare Stef but she isn't going to scare me.

"Who are you and what makes you think you can talk to my wife that way?" Mark asked and I only got more mad.

"I'm her wife, Lena. You made her life hell" I said giving stefs hand a tight squeeze. I know that her silence is because she's reliving things and I hate to think that she is. since there is nothing I can do to stop that the least I can do is give her some comfort.

"wife?" Alison asked and I never felt like punching someone so much in life.

"I knew she would be a freak" she said and I lost it.

"Go to hell. you have put her through so much and she is so much better than you, both of you. You have no idea what she has been through because of you two and you have the nerve to talk bad about her. Shes not a freak, you guys are. you raped your own daughter and you have the nerve to judge her" I yelled.

"she's our daughter..." Alison said.

"no she's not, she's Sharon and Franks daughter. they are the ones who cared for her since birth and they were and are the ones who loved her. They were the ones who were worried sick for her, after you guys kidnap her, and did everything to get her back. you guys are not her parents" I yelled. she stood up looking terrified.

"honey" I said calming down now that all my attention is on her. She has let go of my hand and slowly walked away from me, like she doesn't even see me. she turned around and ran outside as everyone's eyes were on her. I run outside after her without even looking back at them. Right now she needs me and im going to be there for her.

When I got outside she was pacing a small line right outside the door. She looked to be having an anxiety attack as she tried to calm herself down by talking to herself. I intersected her path as she run into me because she didn't even seen me. I grabbed her and held her close as desperately grabbed onto my clothes in trying to convince herself im really there.

"Its ok, love. It's all over" I said trying to comfort her.

"No it's not. I feel like im going insane" she said.

"you are not insane, Stephanie" I said but she didn't believe me.

"I keep hearing it and seeing it" she said as she buried her head in my hair. I know that it's comforting to her to not be seen, which is just depressing.

"what?" I asked rubbing her back.

"everything" she said and I can feel her tear drops hit my face.

"you know what you need?" I said and she looked confused.

"to forget" I said and she looked intrigued.

"its Friday we could give the kids money to get pizza and we can go out. I'll call Jenna and Kelly and one of them can be the designated driver and we can get drunk and come home and do other stuff." I offered and her face lit up a bit.

"thanks love" she said smiling.

**Next chapter will have a very drunk Lena and Stef.**


	25. Chapter 25

Lena

We have only been here for less than half an hour and Stef is already drunk. She downed six shots before we even got one. Kelly agreed, well after her and Jenny flipped a coin on it, that she will stay sober. I only had one shot when Stef pulled me onto the floor claiming she wants to dance. That makes it very obvious she's drunk, I mean if you really couldn't tell by how she can't walk straight or how she said the word 'dance' like a flamboyant gay boy would, she never wants to dance sober.

"Stephanie love you" she said proving she can't talk in first person. She continued to dance badly up against me, since im sure if she moves away she will fall.

"Lena loves you" I said teasing her but she's to drunk to catch onto it. She leaned her entire body weight up against me before kissing me, to her credit she almost hit my mouth. I continued to dance with her for a bit before doing the come here signal to Kelly and Jenny and they came out.

"I want to get drunk to deal with her. Stay with her?" I asked more to Kelly because I know Jenny is already tipsy.

"sure" she said as I moved away from Stef causing the girl to almost fall. Kelly caught her and held her steady.

"don't take advantage of her" I said jokingly as I went to get a couple of shots.

"Hey honey, trying to catch up with the blondie?" the bartender asked winking at me.

"the blondie is my wife and yes it would be a very long night if im sober" I said laughing. I downed the couple of shots.

Kelly

"That little bitch" slurred Stef. I followed her gaze to see what she is talking about. What I saw was a drunk or at least tipsy Lena having an overly nice conversation with the bartender.

"Lena is mine the bitch" stef slurred getting more pissed as time goes on. Meanwhile I have a drunk Jenny making out with another girl a couple of feet from us. I know me and her are divorced now but it still hurts to see.

Stef decided to take matters into her own hands as she drunkenly walked over to them.

_Shit, this can't end well. I hate being sober! _I thought as I followed the drunk girl I was in charge of.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Stef yelled at the bartender as Lena who is now fully drunk tried to make sence of the situation. I pulled Stef back knowing that a physical fight might happen if I don't.

"Whats going on?" Lena asked as I returned her wife to her.

"she thinks you're flirting with the bartender" I said and Lena looked annoyed.

"Why would I flirt with her? I was just talking to her" Lena denied.

"the bartender is flirting with you." Stef said angrily.

"Stef she just wants a tip" I said trying to calm her down with logic.

"No she wants in her pants" Stef yelled. Why did I agree to come tonight? I looked over my shoulder to see Jenny gone. Great as if this wasn't bad enough. I need to find Jenny.

"shes not even here anymore" I pointed out. "why don't you guys focus on how much you love each other in the girls bathroom with me" I said before realizing how bad that sounds.

"We are no having three some" Lena said failing to put the "t" at the end of not.

"I know I meant follow me to the girls bathroom because I have to make sure that girl doesn't take advantage of Jenny." I said as they laughed.

"dude you have to let her go. There are plenty of girls for you in the sea." stef said and it took a while to realize what she was trying to say.

"Plenty of fish in the sea" I corrected and they both burst into laughter.

"Why would you date fish" lena asked as they both laughed hysterically. "fish!" they said amusing themselves.

"Fishies" stef said as I grabbed both their hands and lead them to the bathroom. I hate this, its worse than babysitting. When I walked in I saw Jenny puking, well its better than walking in on them having sex.

"she left" she said and Lena and stef laughed. I hate when they're drunk together. Their like children, one second they are best friends and next second they are arguing like siblings.

"don't worry there are other fishies" lena said and they both practically fell over they were laughing so hard.

"huh?" jenny asked.

"don't worry about it" I said. "can we go home?" I asked having enough of the night already.

"We should go to strip club like we used to" Stef said.

"Stef we never used to go to strip clubs" I said and she laughed.

"we should go, so in couple of years when we no go no more we can be all, 'we should go strip club like we used to'" she said and even I laughed. Drunk Stef can be really annoying but she can also be so funny.

"then we can be all like, 'oh the good old days when we were 21'"she continued.

Laughing,"Stef were in our forties" I said. She put her hand over my mouth and shushed me.

"We don't speak of that" she said in a loud whisper so everyone can hear her. The more everyone laughs the more she jokes.

"Can we go please" she begged. "I know there is no fishies there but there ton of hot girls" How long is this joke going to last?

"Yeah hot girls" lena agreed. Everyone chorused a yeah after her.

"Fine" I agreed knowing it will be better than here, I hope at least. After the yays were yelled I lead them out to the car.

"I want to drive" Stef said.

"No absolutely not. Youre drunk" I said as she stuck her bottom lip out in a pout.

"I'm not even drunk" She denied.

"I needed to hold your hand to help you walk to the car, you are drunk." I said.

"oh yeah" she said laughing. Its going to be a long night.

**Hey guys so this one I decided was just going to light and mostly drama free because this story is so heavy and dramatic. I had a lot of fun writing this and this chapter is supposed to be an amusing chapter. I have no idea what they will be like when drunk together but I think it would be hilarious to see. Let me know what you think and NO I WILL NOT WRITE THE SEX SCENE! IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE AND YOU GUYS CAN USE YOUR IMAGINATION. SO DONT BOTHER WITH ASKING.**


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